Lately, I've been moody and depressed about a lot of things. And angry. About the fact that I got my chosen rotation so late in the year that will compromise my fellowship applications; about some of the evaluations that I've (i think quite unfairly) received from my my attendings. About unfair treatment that I've received from my chiefs/bosses. About life in general. Things that in general were making angry and upset. And then realized that they are all not worth it. Working at the place where I work now (a big cancer) makes me ponder about bigger and deeper things. Young people unlucky enough to have cancer have such a limited time to live and to enjoy their time with children and their close ones, and it is so saddening and sobering experience. What are my problems compared to theirs? Things that I'm worried about are simply not worth worrying about. They are not worth even feeling down about.
The evaluation grades that I get from my preceptors/bosses don't make any sense. For example, one of the preceptor raves how I am so professional and hard-working individual and the best in everything and then proceeds to give me all 7 out of 9 on everything. If everything was so good, why not 8 or 9 out of 9 then? Another one who always praises me about my notes gives me a 5/9 on my notes but praises my attendance in clinic (9/9) when I have missed my sessions several times. Another one gives me 6/9 for communication when I translated and worked with foreign-language patients all month long. None of it makes any sense. I'm just not even gonna give a damn about it. Clearly there is no pattern, so i'm just gonna be myself, and not care about those things.
