Update

OK, so maybe I exaggerated a bit yesterday, but surely the disappointment was there. Luckily, it's going away. Maybe it's one more time that something dying in me, or maybe it's another step of maturation.  As I am nearing the completion of another decade. (Sigh.) I think i'm finally getting it.  I think.  It's stupid. I make the same dumb mistake every 3-4 years, and then go through all the emotional baggage for another year, trying to get over it.  Well, maybe it'll be easier now.  It simply is not worth it.
On the other hand, I made sooo many little mistakes yesterday, that today in am I did not even want to remember...No, it's nothing like that.  It's just the things I said and/or behaved a certain way - whatever.  I'll just have to be smarter next time.   

Stupidity

I had feared this would happen.  Why did I let myself build it up? Why am I so stupid? Wth is missing in my life that I am constantly seeking this?  I know that this is not love, so why am I so disappointed? Is it an ego thing?  Is it really over?  Will I ever never see him or talk to him again?

I've been hurt in relationships so many times that I just don't let myself get hurt anymore/.  I/E/ not let myself feel things and just do things on the outside as a protective mechanism.  If I really let me guard down, and feel things, it's gonna hurt tremendously.  Plus, I am also slightly delusional at times, so that would add to disappointment too.  Today, already I made gazillion stupid mistakes.  Sometimes, I should just stick to being my introverted self.  It's not gonna happen.  It's not.

Conclusion.  I'm an idiot.